Beth's Choice...

Growing up, I always pictured myself married with children. But one thing that was never clear in my picture of the future was whether I would stay home with my kids, or have a career outside the home. My mom stayed home with us when we were very young, but returned to teaching when I (the youngest) began school. This seemed a reasonable choice, and I think that much of my decision to become a teacher was based on my childhood-- my mom got home the same time we did after school, was home with us all summer, on snow days, etc. It seemed perfect-- a "mom-friendly" job. (Thankfully, teaching high school English for 5 years after graduating college was also something I loved doing, so it worked out for me...!) When I married my husband and we talked about our future, we both agreed that when we had kids, I would stay home with them if we were financially stable, at least until the kids were in school. But leaving my classroom that day in September of 2006 (my first daughter was born in October), and handing my plans and keys to a new teacher, was so much harder than I thought it would be. I loved teaching, and I was good at it. Would I get another job if I needed to? Would I lose my "touch"? Would I ever be back? Pushing those thoughts aside, I tried to think of how great it would be to stay home--no planning, no grading, no meetings, just babies! Easy, right? HA! So, here I sit: a stay-at-home mom with two kids-- a job that is proving to be 1000x more challenging than I ever expected.

I don't regret my choice to stay at home with my kids, and I know I never will, but there are times when I feel undervalued. Not by my family and friends, but by society in general. I sometimes feel like people who don't know me see me as "just" a mom who isn't qualified to do anything else, when actually I have a BA in English and a MA in Education, and my decision to stay home was very well thought out. Or, I feel like people might see me as a woman who is not driven to meet my full potential, when in reality, staying home with my children has taken more ingenuity, creativity, and determination than any high school class I have ever taught, and realizing my full potential as a mom is something I strive for every day. That being said, I admit there are times when I miss the working world. I miss talking about subjects other than my kids' sleep patterns, eating habits, and playdate schedule. I miss having a set schedule of my own every day. I miss wearing work clothes. I miss doing what I spent years in school studying for. I miss the satisfying reward of a paycheck. Perhaps someday I will be back in that world, but for now, my focus is to raise good, confident, kind little people; a job that I know in my heart is so important, but can sometimes get lost in the monotony and discouragement that so often seeps into an ordinary day of a SAHM. I have to remember to enjoy the time I have at home with my children while they are small...I know it will go fast.