What comes next??

For me, one of the perks of being a SAHM is being able to take Abby to school every day, pick her up, and occasionally volunteer in her classroom. I have been able to be a "room mommy" often over the past few months, and have gotten to know the kids and the class routine well. This past Tuesday, though, was the first time that being in Abby's class made me seriously miss teaching. I feel so at home in a classroom-- I miss having my own! I even felt a bit jealous watching the teachers make small talk across the hallway, or huddle closely to discuss the latest school gossip. It really got me excited at the prospect of teaching again someday. But when I really started thinking about it, I began to panic-- when will I go back?? Will I be prepared for the changes since I was in a classroom?? Will I even be hired anywhere?? This mini panic-attack lead to the much bigger question: what comes next for a SAHM??

So after mulling this over for a while, I planned to bring it up to two of my closest SAHM friends last night over wine. Surprisingly, though, one of THEM brought up the topic, saying something along the lines of, "I am starting to wonder about what I'll do when the kids are all grown up and don't need me as much." Bingo! That got us all talking about things we were interested in, and things we could possibly see ourselves doing in the future. The whole conversation completely validated my fears of what comes next-- I am not the only SAHM who feels this way! We didn't really come to any conclusions last night because we all want more kids, and we all want to continue staying home for now, but the conversation opened up a topic we had never really touched on before, and was so refreshing; it was just about US, instead of kids, and babies, and husbands, and houses...all topics that can tend to monopolize the SAHM conversations. I love being home taking care of my girls, my husband, and my house...but there are definitely dreams I have for myself that are JUST for me, whether it's teaching again, or something else, and I know my other SAHM friends have them too. It's one of the things that I envy about Michelle and other working moms-- not just that they get paid and get healthy doses of adult time-- but that they have something for themselves. As a SAHM, sometimes having anything for yourself is last on the list. But I hope that by continuting to discuss our dreams for ourselves we can help each other keep them alive-- and eventually make some of them a reality.
-Beth

How Quickly Things Change!

How quickly things change!  As I read my post from just 5 days ago, I can almost laugh at the confidence that I eluding to regarding my decision to be a "working mom"....   

Now, here I sit in the airport with tears in my eyes and feeling like the worst mom on the planet for leaving my sick 2 year old at home to go on a business trip.  Three days ago when he first got sick, I thought to myself, "well, at least he will be OK by the time I have to leave for this trip on Monday."  But instead, this morning he was still wanting to cling to Mommy and just lay on my lap on the couch.  Who didn't (or doesn't now!) want that when they are sick?  I can remember that feeling as a little kid - when I was sick, only Mommy could make me feel just a little bit better. 

And this is exactly where my split personality comes to the forefront and I am torn in two different ways:

1.  Part of me feels like home is where I should be - comforting my baby and just being "Mom" to him, a.k.a. the only person in the whole wide world that can make him feel comforted.  And I love that role - it's like nothing I have ever felt before.  It's rewarding, heart-warming, and even purposeful - like this is what I was put on this earth to do and to be. 

2.  But, the other part of me feels commited to my work.  I have earned this position of stature and responsibility and have people who count on me.  Now don't get me wrong - hands down, my son and my family come first.  But, it is also important to me to follow through on work commitments.  It's not in me to just drop the ball and let people down.  I work hard and feel that I do a good job, and that is also very rewarding to me.

I honestly thought that as a working mom in today's world, I could really "have it all" - meaning being a perfect mom and still also have success in career - was I being naive?

- Michelle

One Day At A Time

Last week was one of those weeks where I really questioned whether I should be working or staying home.... It started when my nanny had to have emergency surgery and we had no backup childcare options that were available for the week. Add in an ice storm that knocked the power line off our house, then a busted water pipe in the basement. All that combined with an extremely busy week at work packed with meetings, project deadlines, and other responsibilities that had to be met - and I'll I can say is: Ahhhhhhh!! I was scrambling to find some part-time babysitters so I could run into my office (which thankfully is relatively close) for just a couple hours to get at least a little bit done, while also juggling plumber and electrician appointments. All the while, in the back of my mind was a little voice saying, “If you didn’t work, you could eliminate a lot of this stress.”

But, even having gone through all that craziness last week, there is still a bigger part of me that continues to thrive on having the responsibilities at work - the feeling of accomplishment of completing a big project, or presentation, or meeting. And even though it was a stressful week juggling everything, it still feels worth it to me. I still feel comfortable with my decision to work and confident that my son is also thriving.  I just have to keep in mind that all I can do is take everything one day at a time – and this where I’m at today.

I'm so glad to be blogging again. I realized that writing this and also reading Beth's posts is very cathartic for me. It's comforting to know that I am not alone in my struggles to balance mommy-hood with life's other responsibilities.

- Michelle

We're still here!!

Ok, so it's been about 9 months since our last post-- but we are still here!! Motherhood is nutty, and the days are flying by-- but this blog is important to us, so here we are! In the spirit of the blog, I have to say that today was one of THOSE days-- husband out of town, no activities or school, and VERY bored and cranky 2 and 4 year olds-- it was all I could do to not crawl under the bed and hide from the constant, "MOMMY!! MOMMY!!" all day long. It made my husband's empty hotel room he called from sound like paradise. The whole day got me wondering if I would be a more relaxed, patient mom if I worked outside the home...or would I be more stressed out because of the extra responsibilities that work would bring...? But since job-sharing is hard to come by for teachers around here, and Ryan and I are talking about baby #3, I won't find out anytime soon. In the meantime, I pray for patience, and hope tomorrow is easier...!!

~Beth