How Quickly Things Change!

How quickly things change!  As I read my post from just 5 days ago, I can almost laugh at the confidence that I eluding to regarding my decision to be a "working mom"....   

Now, here I sit in the airport with tears in my eyes and feeling like the worst mom on the planet for leaving my sick 2 year old at home to go on a business trip.  Three days ago when he first got sick, I thought to myself, "well, at least he will be OK by the time I have to leave for this trip on Monday."  But instead, this morning he was still wanting to cling to Mommy and just lay on my lap on the couch.  Who didn't (or doesn't now!) want that when they are sick?  I can remember that feeling as a little kid - when I was sick, only Mommy could make me feel just a little bit better. 

And this is exactly where my split personality comes to the forefront and I am torn in two different ways:

1.  Part of me feels like home is where I should be - comforting my baby and just being "Mom" to him, a.k.a. the only person in the whole wide world that can make him feel comforted.  And I love that role - it's like nothing I have ever felt before.  It's rewarding, heart-warming, and even purposeful - like this is what I was put on this earth to do and to be. 

2.  But, the other part of me feels commited to my work.  I have earned this position of stature and responsibility and have people who count on me.  Now don't get me wrong - hands down, my son and my family come first.  But, it is also important to me to follow through on work commitments.  It's not in me to just drop the ball and let people down.  I work hard and feel that I do a good job, and that is also very rewarding to me.

I honestly thought that as a working mom in today's world, I could really "have it all" - meaning being a perfect mom and still also have success in career - was I being naive?

- Michelle