In response to our call for "Guest Bloggers," our friend Nancy submitted this awesome blog about her most recent experiences and reflections as a working mom. Enjoy! And as always, we would love to hear your comments/thoughts/questions!
I'm a career mom with ambitions to do "everything" - I don't even know where to begin with this topic. I guess I'll start with the part that I've known my husband for 13 years and up until this year when his cousin graduated from medical school and started residency, I was the ONLY working woman in their family, 4 generations of us females, who had a career. Go cousin, for upping the quota with me in the family! I bring this up because it would be a little disingenuous to pretend this doesn't add a little more pressure to be a "good mom".
So I thought it would be a great idea to take my husband's 89 year old grandmother to a movie last Sunday to answer her frequent question of "how do you do it?". I wanted to spend some time with her and also take her out for her birthday - Except that when I checked to confirm our plans and movie times that very movie with that title was in the theater for 2 weeks and didn't last long. I'm hoping it was just a terrible movie and not that there were so few who could relate! I suppose I'll just revert back to my standard answer of "i just do it."
I am a mom who also doesn't hate working. I find myself in a euphoric rush one minute flying to 4 cities in 2 days for my travel-heavy work life. And in the next minute bummed when I say goodnight over skype and give virtual hugs to my 3 year old twin girls. (Except that they really hug the Mac and I'm afraid our facetime will soon be hindered with an overhugged home computer). But I do love what I do and I do love being a mom more. Doesn't sound possible, but I swear, I love being a mom more than I love my job - even if some may think that actions don't speak louder than words. I swear I'm a bit naive too because I never, ever believed that having a family would slow down my productivity. My old work colleague used to say to me jokingly, "you're never going to be the same when you have a family". Five years ago I used to tell him that was crazy. But he was right. It's not the same and i'll admit there are times that I wish i didn't have to shut down to rush to pick up the girls from daycare. But at the same time there are plenty of mornings i wake up and think - I wish I could just snuggle with my babies. Somehow the balance just happens --- but some stamina and a little overdrive...and a very good extended family network.
So i'll end my guest blog with the Women In Leadership event I went to last night. I will admit, I'm not a huge fan of such affiliations. At a former company we had a women in sales networking session every year. And there was one woman who was the speaker every year. Yep - because there were slim pickings of female executives to represent. But I always remember chuckling when every year her speech involved her life experiences --- yes, she climbed the ladder but she was never married, moved 2 dozen times for the company and never had a family. No offense, I wasn't inspired. So last night the keynote was a business line president for a major insurance company ---- when she introduced herself i saw the eyebrows raise around the room ---- then she said she has six children and the facial expressions changed to, "HOW COULD THAT BE?!" I do believe you can have it all --- with a little sacrifice all around --- call it my naivete again but I do. I don't however see it too often. I so badly wanted to raise my hand and ask, "Does your husband stay home?" I refrained because I'd like to keep going on thinking that she balances it all with a dual-working family. I guess I'll never know.
This "mommy blog" is for all moms out there who are working in and out of the home, from the perspective of two best friends with completely different "mommy lives" (one with a successful career in business and one who stays home), but the same fundamental goal: to be the best moms we can be. Our purpose is to bridge the gap between the two different "mommy worlds" based on our two perspectives in experiencing the ups and downs of each, all while maintaining our 12-year-and-counting friendship.
Hi Nancy,
ReplyDeleteI also have 3 year old twins. But they are boys and I do stay at home with them. After reading this, I was a little jealous that you have a career. But at the same time I found it sad that you have to leave your girls alot, or when you mentioned that you have to "skype hug". I guess my question is...how is it working a full time job with 3 year old twins? I just want a different perspective. Being with my boys 24/7 is a handful. I would think it would be very difficult to work, but at the same time I think it would be a little easier or you would have more time to breathe (even if it's in the car to work) because you have 8 hours not around them...haha. Let me know! : ) Very curious!
Brandy
So as not to give all the readers a complex, I'm glad you left out that you are also ridiculously fashionable, have no housekeeper, and throw great dinner parties!
ReplyDeleteNancy, thanks so much for sharing your experiences! As a fellow "working mom" I can totally relate to you in so many ways.
ReplyDelete1) I also am married into a family where being a stay at home mom was more of the norm. No one has ever come out and said they disagree with my choices to date and not even saying that anyone DOES disagree, but can't help but feel a little under pressure when the question comes up of "How do you do it all?"
2) I am also constantly looking at/for role models to help inspire or maybe just help me feel like this IS possible. (If SHE can do it, so can I!) I also take note of women in business that I come across in my worklife - and I love when they make note of their families. But, you are right, they are so few and far between. This is actually a blog topic that I plan to write about in near future.
3) I also am a mom who doesn't hate working. As I have shared before, I love the projects that I work on - the challenges that come with them and the rewards of solving the problems. But, I also miss being with my kids at home - the little moments that mean so much. But, I honestly don't know if I could actually be home with them every day in and day out. I completely admire those who do, but just not sure if I could actually handle it.
Thanks again for sharing! I find the best way for me to cope with the career-mom struggle is to swap stories with other women in the same boat. It at least helps keep me sane - for now! :)
@Suburban Momdom - actually I should have added in that I am surrounded by friends who are extremely supportive and throw out compliments that erase the all the craziness :)
ReplyDelete@Anonymous - I guess I should have prefaced my blog entry with yes, I do also find my days "easier" sometimes than some stay at home moms. I manage a team of 21 people, across the country, and come home to my twins who went to daycare and now also preschool. My husband works full time and has a career of as well--- the way to describe it is just go, go, go. But overall I think it is always hard...no matter what our situations. We make our choices and we live with it - I tend to never look back with regrets. The other perspective of a working mom that I think is also often overlooked is the positive impact on children - often i think it's viewed as "poor kids" when mom goes to work. But one day, I hope that my children will have seen me bust my butt, provide for them a happy family, a good education and some ambition. I am not at all saying this isn't possible with a stay at home mom, I only bring it up as a perspective that I hope is also taken into consideration. I watched my mother when i was growing up as a full time practicing physician. I knew no different and I certainly have no resentment. But everyday is a juggling act. My girls are typical 3 year olds who want to put their own shoes on or dress themselves making for very long mornings of bargaining and negotiating. They are happy, full of energy and I think, love their mommy :)
Sorry a couple of things I left out:
ReplyDelete@Michelle - we should have a drink! Where are you? :)
And update - I was at a wedding and met some folks that worked at the same company as the keynote speaker. I should have just asked the question becuase yes, she has a stay at home husband. No judgment here but I'm just saying...again, I can't 100% relate :)
Nancy,
ReplyDeleteI wrote the first comment. I really do not know how you do it! Seriously, having multiples is hard enough and draining because they are exactly the same age and doing the same things. (Maybe it's different because I have boys and they are crazy and jumping all over the place.) I guess I wonder sometimes if I would be a better mom if I worked and had that distance, or if I had something for myself. But then again, it must be insane to work, have kids, a husband and take care of a house. I do not know if I could handle that either! And from what your friend says, you are a fashion diva and throw cool parties...I kinda feel like a loser compaired to you! :P
I do like what you said how working can be a positive impact on children as well. All in all, either working or staying at home, I think it's the quality of mom you are when you are with your kids that matters.
I found it interesting that you said your mom was a physician. I think you had that role model of "doing it all", so I'm sure you envisioned you could do it too from a young age. My mom pretty much stayed at home until we were older in school. I wonder how much that matters, how we are all shaped from our own environments.
Hats off to you, Nancy! : )